Have you heard about the hottest new show in town? Forget anything on Broadway this season. If you want to see one of the most energetic performances of this year, head on over to the Bath-tub Amphitheater to see the resident artists The Royal Feathertons. One critic said that their latest performance of “Quackbeth” left the audience in such a giggle fit that he sent a steam of pee arching across the stage. Fair warning: There is not a dry seat in the house.
What’s that? You say you haven’t heard of The Royal Feathertons? Don’t worry, most people haven’t. You won’t find them on PBS or Disney Junior because I invented them out of the selfish necessity to make our nightly bath time routine more enjoyable for me. Back when Boy Wonder was a month or two old, we used to give him a bath in the sink but he outgrew that very quickly. My job became much more hands-off when we started using the tub. I could only help him practice floating so many times before my back started to complain. Sitting there staring while he splashed seemed a bit rude. I thought about how I would feel if our roles were reversed and although someday a nurse will have to give me a sponge bath, I just thought there was something more I should be doing to make the experience a more pleasant one for us both. That’s right, I put on a rubber duck puppet show to help myself pass the time first and foremost. The fact that my son likes it is just a happy side effect.
Let me introduce The Royal Feathertons, just in case you aren’t familiar with them. The oldest and most seasoned of our players is Sir Lawrence O’Quackiay. He is a classically trained mallard who is as acclaimed for his villainous roles as he is for his turn as a Leading Man. Then there is the beautiful Winona Waddler. She has the grace and poise of a swan. Celebrated for her ability to find new meaning in each quack. Her favourite role has been Ilsa in “Featherblanca“. Finally, we round out our cast with the ever-dashing James Pond. Though he is the youngest of the Feathertons, he brings raw emotion and true power to each role he takes on. Pond recently won the critics choice award when he was slobbered over for nearly twenty minutes by a rabid fan.
These ducks are very proud of their body of work during tenure at the Bathtub Amphitheater. Some of their favourite productions include: “The Taming Of The Goose“, “The Maltese Mallard“, “The Importance Of Having Feathers“, and the classic ballet “Swanarella“. No one is prouder of them their Director/Producer, the artist known only as Mother Goose. You may ask, why the pseudonym. Mother Goose is clearly me, right? Actually, Shakespeare In The Tub has become so popular in our house that when Bex is in charge of bath-time, The Royal Feathertons get to stretch their wings into another genre, Broadway Quacks! While I recently directed a production of “The Goodbye Goose” (that pushed the Feathertons to such emotional limits that it brought the audiences to tears), Bex has the Feathertons in rehearsals for “The Pe-King Duck and I” and “The Pajama Ducks“. The upcoming season will include blockbuster hits like “The Last Five Feathers” and “Legally Pond“.
Like all great productions, the audience will outgrow The Royal Feathertons someday and the curtain will fall for good. But for now, we’ve all strapped on our bathing caps to enjoy some entertainment on the Great Wet Way!