Pledge Week At Day Care

Forget about learning shapes, colors, and numbers at Day Care. I've got a theory about what really happens after we drop off our kids and head to work. To get the scoop, I've sent my faithful sidekick, Boy Wonder, deep under cover, to reveal what really happens over a week at daycare. At pick up on Tuesday, his speech was slurred. Wednesday he had red-puffy eyes. By Thursday night he was…
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National Lampoon’s Cross-Country Vacation

"Well I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation...it's a quest. It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun! We're all gonna have so much f***in' fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our damn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah out of your assholes!!!!"- Clark Griswold, National Lampoon's Vacation Yesterday, I packed the car for what will not be…
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Our San Franciscan Day

You probably figured we’d be halfway across the country by now, huh? Surprise! We are still in the same state we started, only eight hours North. We wanted to visit Bex’s side of the family for a few days. It's been a lot of fun. Of course I love spending time with family but I always look forward to a day in San Francisco. It’s on my list of Top 10 Favorite Cities in the world. Here’s…
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A House Is Not A Home

We moved out of our apartment today. After weeks of packing, trashing, and cleaning, this was a really big deal for us. Obviously it was not as big of a deal for our landlord who never showed up for our move-out appointment. Martha, if you’re reading this, we left the keys and garage remote on the kitchen counter. Good bye and good luck! Maybe you remember me describing our apartment two years…
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Don’t Lie Or I’ll Tell Santa

Every parent lies to their kid and that is a fact. But I like to think of it as acting. In my humble opinion, if any casting agent witnessed the performances I've turned in to my kid, they'd have me on Broadway, Motion Pictures, maybe even Netflix! When I read "Car, Car, Truck, Jeep" for the five hundredth time, I still pretend like it's my first. Boy Wonder watched me pee in the toilet the…
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Oprah’s Got Nothing On Me

I feel a lot like Oprah this week. And the movers get a thousand dollars! The auto-hauler gets a thousand dollars! Whoops there goes another thousand just for funsies! As I spend my meager fortune far faster than I ever made it, I'm starting to wonder why we have so much crap. When I moved to California almost a decade ago, I had three boxes and an iPod packed into the back of my SUV. That was…
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Translating For Boy Wonder

Boy Wonder's vocabulary is expanding every day. It seems like just yesterday he said his first words, Da-da. Of course he did say that yesterday and this morning too. Basically whenever he wants something I get summoned with a hearty "Da-da!". These days he says plenty of words clearly "Car!", "Trucko!", "Ice Cream Man!", and "No!". I find myself marveling at the idea that I can communicate with…
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Updated Resume and CV

Dear Selection Committee Of My Future Career, Being an IncrediDad is by far the most rewarding career I've ever had but even Bruce Wayne needed a day job. The last time I had to update my resume and cover letter, Barrack Obama was still serving his first term as President of the United States, The Office was in it's eighth season, my car was still new, and I had a thirty-four inch waist. I'm not…
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The Dad Knight

Follow my blog with Bloglovin "Because we have to chase him. Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now, so we'll hunt him. Because he can take it, because he's not a hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector, a Dark Knight." - Commissioner Gordon, The Dark Knight- Also my son says this about me, you just can't understand him…
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Simple Distractions

IncreiMom and I like to treat Boy Wonder to the fine dining experiences of Red Robin, IHOP, and occasionally Arby's. It's really a great deal. He shares off of my plate, which cuts calories for me. Then I burn off whatever I am able to shovel in my mouth (inside ten seconds) by chasing him around the restaurant after he declares "All done!". I don’t even feel guilty because it's dinner and a…
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