Updated Resume and CV

Dear Selection Committee Of My Future Career,

Being an IncrediDad is by far the most rewarding career I’ve ever had but even Bruce Wayne needed a day job. The last time I had to update my resume and cover letter, Barrack Obama was still serving his first term as President of the United States, The Office was in it’s eighth season, my car was still new, and I had a thirty-four inch waist. I’m not sure where those years went but I do know that fatherhood has added some considerable skills to my utility belt:

Leadership – As CEO of the nursery, it is up to me to set the values and direction our little team. Holding my subordinate accountable for actions, like dropping my car keys in the toilet or throwing a ball at the t.v., will have a direct result on his growth and development. It’s not all discipline though. I also learn as much from Boy Wonder as he learns from me. He pushes me to get off the couch and I push him to eat his vegetables.

Business Minded – I am able to use multiple inputs when making decisions. For example, when Boy Wonder comes running up to me with a toy car in Target, the first thing I ask is, “What did your mother say?”.

I’m also able to balance key business metrics with exceptional service. Let’s say we have a day where I have a lot of chores to do but only four hours to do it in. I know I can take Boy Wonder to the park for an hour and tire him out. If I can get him down for a two hour nap when I get home, that’s only one hour that I’ll spend keeping him from jumping into the pile of clothes I just folded. This solution is highly preferred over alligator wrestling all morning.

Delivers Results – I have the ability to teach and transfer knowledge by flexing and adapting my communication style four different ways (including begging, arguing, bartering, and coercing) until my toddler finally does what I’m asking him to do. If all else fails, I’ll just do it for him.

Collaboration – I value teamwork and working together through a common goal. When Bex tells me to take Boy Wonder outside, I don’t jump up and do it right away. I wait until she asks me again. Then I’ll ask if she’s sure she wants me to do that. At that point, she will either give up or yell at me to get off the couch. You might call it being lazy but I call it advocating for the best solution through effective communication.

Lifelong Learner – I constantly seek out new things to learn. We go to the park, dance class, play soccer, play with cars, read books, go swimming, and oh so much more. Have you ever spent five minutes with a bored toddler? You have to keep things fresh or you might as well be dead in the water.

Entrepreneurial – I am the author of a mildly successful website titled www.theincredidad.com. Maybe you’ve heard of it?

Thank you for taking a moment to review my qualifications. I look forward to speaking with you soon about my six figure salary, corner office, and company sponsored day care.

Very truly yours,

The IncrediDad

p.s.
Nap-time is from 11:30 – 13:30. Please avoid telephone calls during this time.

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