“Mommy and Daddy aren’t fighting. We are having a discussion.” I’ve heard that line overused so many times in the movies. The scene is always the same. It happens when a child inadvertently walks in on a possible domestic dispute and the parents have to cover their tracks quick, lest their six year old…
Category: Uncategorized
Let Them Eat Cake
So, now that I’ve got him home, can someone tell me what the hell I’m supposed to do with him? The care stuff, diaper changes, feedings, I’ve got that. We’ve actually gotten into a nice routine. But how about when he’s wide awake and not screaming his head off? When he’s just staring at…
There’s A Binky In My Batcave
I never considered myself a messy person but I certainly wouldn’t call myself organized either. There’s always been this untidy little grey area between cluttered and coordinated that l like to hide in. Let’s refer to it as, my Batcave. Throughout my twenties I found my Batcave to be a multifunctional space. I always kept…
Baby On Board
I still can’t believe they let us walk out of the hospital with him. There must have been some mistake right? How could they trust someone like me to be responsible with someone so important? It was easy to look like a semi-competent parent when a team of nurses was present to supervise. But once…
The Secret Superpower of IncrediDad
Ever since I was a little kid I’ve wanted super powers, which is the coolest thing in the world. But before I could possess great power, I needed to become a superhero. Every superhero has an origin story. By now, you’ve read mine. If you haven’t, then what the hell are you doing? Go back…
NICU – The Sitcom
Ladies and Gentlemen, please pardon the interruption. We now return you to the number one sitcom in America – The NICU. Starring Luke Gaygen as a fictional version of himself, the show revolves around a handful of newborns and their hilarious hi-jinx in the hospital. Luke is a strong and healthy baby who wound…
This Turkey Ain’t Flying
There’s a lot to be thankful for at this time of year. There’s food, my loving wife, there’s freshly baked cookies, there’s our baby boy, there’s . . . oh is that pie? Cut me off a little slice, would ya? A little bigger. Bigger. Yes, I am aware that’s a whole quarter of…
Delivery Day (Part IV): Didn’t They Tell You
I spent two hours in the NICU. When I went back to Labor and Delivery, a nurse stopped me in the hall just outside of Bex’s delivery room. She had a very confused look on her face, and I could see her trying to figure out why I was back here. “Didn’t anyone…
Delivery Day (Part III): Welcome To The NICU
The Neonatal Infant Care Unit (I’ll call it NICU from now on) is a few hallways over from Labor and Delivery but at the time I wasn’t sure I could find my way back without dropping a trail of breadcrumbs. To further my confusion, they lead us in the nurses door which is accessible only…
10/30/2017 Delivery Day (Part II): It Went Great, Until It Didn’t. Then The Shit Hit The Fan.
Around two a.m. I was rudely awoken from my nap. The epidural had done it’s job and Bex was ready to push. So I groggily stood up, stretched, and wondered if I had time to take a seventh inning piss. She wouldn’t mind right? Wrong. We were in the bottom of the ninth with…
10/29/2017 Delivery Day (Part I)- The Waiting Game
Waiting is hard. I’m not a very patient man. Just ask my wife. She’ll tell you it’s true. Case and point, I am writing this in the delivery room. When I say that, what do you picture? Probably a scene from a movie if you’re anything like me. Picture it, in all it’s celluloid glory:…
Daddy Support Group
Bex pointed out a sign up sheet for Mommy and Me classes the other day. I acknowledged it with my customary cave man grunt but I really didn’t think much about it at the time. The class was called Mommy and Me, not, Mommy, Daddy, and Me. Until Bex recruits me to chauffeur, I have…
What’s In A Name?
William Shakespeare asked, “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Oscar Wilde said, “Experience is the name we give our mistakes.” Even old Teddy Roosevelt got in on the philosophizing when he said, “Never throughout history has a man who has lived a life…
Diaper Doody
Fun fact – I went most of my life without changing a diaper but I promise you, I wasn’t actively avoiding it. The opportunity just never presented itself and that was fine by me. I grew up in a large family. My mom was the oldest of seven and my dad was the oldest of…
Gender Reveal
For months, people had been asking us what we were having, a boy or a girl. Bex had it easy, she was at home with the hyperemesis, throwing up all day. But I was out there in the world fielding all of the questions that came from well meaning busy bodies. The early but all…
Sleep While You Can
Some days are easy. I can kick back with a frosty beverage and watch the Bills make a late third quarter comeback. Afterwards, I enjoy a celebratory nap until Bex puts dinner on the table.My favorite is when she makes a rack of beef ribs. If you’ve never had them, try them. I didn’t even…
I Guess You’re Next
All this trouble started back when my cousin Steph announced that she was pregnant. I congratulated her because I was very excited to have another baby in the family but secretly I prayed to the saints that I wouldn’t catch whatever disease was in the water back home. Still, Steph delivered kiss of death by…
The Nursery or Let’s Move Before He’s Old Enough To Know He Sleeps In A Closet
We used to live in a big three bedroom condo across the street from Disneyland. No really, it took us ten minutes to walk from our front door to the park gates. It was a great, lively area, close to food and entertainment. The best part was that we had new neighbors every week because most…
A Letter To My Wife
October 21, 2017 – California Dear Bex, This may come as a bit of a shock but — Surprise! You’re pregnant. Okay, so it may not be as shocking as it was back in March. You have grown, incubated, and carried around our future child inside you for almost nine months now. But do you…