Splash Lagoon vs Splash Universe – Which one is right for your family? Is one wetter, I mean, better than the rest? And most importantly, how’s the food?

Look, I’m not saying I’m out of shape, but when my kids suggested a water park weekend, my first thought was, “Can I just watch from the hotel room?” But no, apparently being a father means actually participating in family activities. Who knew?

So over the past year, we’ve found ourselves at two indoor water parks: Splash Lagoon in Erie, PA, and Splash Universe in Dundee, Michigan. And yes, I wore a swimshirt AND TRUNKS at both. You’re welcome, America.

Splash Lagoon: The People’s Water Park

Splash Lagoon in Erie, PA has become our go-to spot, mostly because it’s only two hours from home. That’s the perfect distance—far enough that it feels like a vacation, close enough that when you blow a flat tire, you have a chance at hitchhiking home. Not that we’ve done that. Multiple times.

The price is unbeatable. Our family of four can have a whole weekend for under $300. That’s less than what I spend on groceries for a week. You eat a lot of chicken nuggets though. Fair point, inner voice.

From the wave pool to the lava pool—which, disappointingly, contains no actual lava—there’s something for everyone. My son loves the arcade, which is just a fancy way of saying “a place where Dad exchanges real money for tickets that buy prizes worth significantly less than the money spent.” My favorite part? The Quaker Steak and Lube is right next door. Because nothing says “I’m a health-conscious parent at a water park” like immediately leaving for beer and wings.

But here’s the thing: Splash Lagoon is popular. Like, “I-didn’t-know-this-many-people-lived-in-Pennsylvania” popular. I have never—and I mean never—been to Splash Lagoon when it wasn’t crowded. The wave pool looks like a human soup. And I’m the crouton (everyone’s favorite). That’s disgusting. I know, I know, but it’s accurate.

However—and this is important—the lifeguards are incredible. They’re always watching, always alert, not a cell phone in sight. I’ve never once questioned whether someone would notice if I was drowning in the lazy river. Whether they’d actually save me is debatable. “Should we save him?” “I don’t know, he’s been hogging that tube for twenty minutes.” But at least I know someone’s paying attention.

Splash Universe: The Introvert’s Dream

Then there’s Splash Universe in Dundee, Michigan. First off, I loved the theming. The whole place has this outdoorsy, cabin, camping vibe. It’s like someone said, “What if we brought the wilderness indoors but kept the chlorine?”

But here’s where Splash Universe really shines: there are no crowds. And by “no crowds,” I mean we were the only people there for most of the weekend. Even the lifeguard left. That seems like a liability issue. Shh, inner voice, I’m trying to make a point.

Now, as an overweight guy who doesn’t exactly look forward to being seen in a bathing suit—You’re being generous with “overweight”—I appreciated having the pool to ourselves. No judgment. No strangers accidentally make eye contact while I try to navigate the stairs out of the lazy river. Just me, my family, and the echo of our voices bouncing off empty walls.

Full disclosure: I was a lifeguard for a brief moment after high school when I was in what I’ll generously call “peak physical condition.” That lasted what, three weeks? The former lifeguard in me was slightly concerned about the lack of supervision and abundance of slippery surfaces. Despite that, I remembered my training. I was responsible! My kids only crashed the over-18 hot tub a handful of times. And sure, they did laps around the lazy river without tubes, which is probably(?) against the rules, but we were very responsible about it. That makes no sense. I’m aware, inner voice.

The peaceful, slower pace of Splash Universe was exactly what we needed. No lines. No fighting for a spot. Just pure, unsupervised—I mean, parent-supervised—aquatic freedom.

The Verdict

So which one’s better? Well, that depends. Are you looking for an affordable family adventure with actual amenities and professional supervision? Splash Lagoon. Are you looking for a quiet weekend where you can pretend you rented out an entire water park because you’re secretly a billionaire? Splash Universe.

Either way, you’re going to end up waterlogged, exhausted, and questioning your life choices. So basically, regular parenting.

Exactly.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go find where I left my dignity. I think it’s somewhere near the kiddie slides.