The Fine Art Of Arc & Stream

Teaching Boy Wonder to master the fine art of arc and stream is arguably the best thing to come out of our time in quarantine.

In fact, he was thrilled to demonstrate the mastery of his newfound skill during a recent outdoor walk. As far as technique goes, his stance is satisfactory, not to mention his acumen for judging the wind trajectory, and he has the inclination of “when and where” to go mostly correct. While pulling up his pants he announced proudly “I peed on dog shit!”. Upon closer inspection of his watering grounds I discovered that he was in fact correct. “If your mother asks, you peed on dog poop.”

All this aside he is still faced with the problem most toddlers encounter in the modern indoor lavatory, he’s too damn short. However with the aid of a small step stool, he has the perfect platform to show off for any spectator interested in the fine art of arc and stream. I never knew I could be so happy at hearing “Be right back daddy! I gotta pee!”.

It seems like just yesterday that I heard the little angel wake up from his nap, lay down on the couch next to me, and suddenly feel a warm/wet sensation growing across my chest. . .Oh that was yesterday. Accidents still happen, it’s true. But I will take a few extra loads of laundry over diaper duty any day.

As soon as I win the lottery there are two industries I will invest heavily in; stickers and chocolate. Any parent who’s gone through the potty training process will understand what a commodity these are. If you haven’t then let me explain. We used the “potty treat” system. The idea is that you reward the kid with a piece of chocolate, candy, or a sticker, every time they use the toilet. Naturally, I had to demonstrate it a few times for the idea to take hold…or to get a hold of some chocolate, you decide. Once he got the idea, Boy Wonder would cheer “Hooray! Daddy get’s a potty treat!” It worked a little too well though. I caught myself reaching for a Peanut Butter Cup after flushing this morning.

The “potty treat” system is the gift that keeps on giving. Remember, he is only two months out of diapers and sometimes he needs a little reminder to stop and go. I know I said accidents happen but we try to prevent them if we can. The conversation now goes something like this;

Daddy – Do you need to use the potty?
Boy Wonder – Are you nuts Old Man? Can’t you see I’m playing with cars here.
Daddy- I guess I get your potty treat then…
Boy Wonder – Now hold on a minute! That’s crazy talk! I’ve gotta go potty!

Works like a charm every time.

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