Trials of Toilet Training

Did you know that there are apps to help with potty training? Why the hell would anyone want that? Call me old fashioned, but I believe technology and the toilet are the farthest thing from peanut butter and chocolate. This sentiment goes double for any tech that is “smart” or “connected”. There’s a reason it’s called Twitter and not Shitter. Of course, I’m guilty of scrolling through my News feed and Insta-stories while I’m on the john, who hasn’t? But I’m not connecting the two activities. That’s what these training apps are designed to do. Your spouse, daycare, and anyone else has the ability to log meal times, drink times, and successful trips to the porcelain throne. I’d like to see someone in marketing analyze that data.

“Well we see that 80% of toddler’s YouTube viewing time is on the potty. This seems like ample space to fill with Christmas toy ad time.” Thanks fellas. While you’re at it, can you slip in some of those subliminal messages that make my kid run to toilet so I don’t have to keep asking him every half-hour?

“Time to go potty?”

“No. I’m playing coors”

“Coors? I’d love one.”

“No daddy. I play Co-ars.”

“Oh yeah, Lightning McQueen … he doesn’t deliver beer. Mater might though…C’mon we’re going to the potty”

Much to IncrediMoms dismay, I’ve gone total cave-man in my potty-training attempts. I’m all for a long weekend at home, no apps, no pants, and redirection toward the toilet when the urge arises. I love the idea but my wife doesn’t see how me sitting naked on the couch is going to help toilet train Boy Wonder. Learning the fine art of not crapping yourself isn’t an easy skill to master. If it was, they wouldn’t sell adult diapers. But Boy Wonder is smart. He gets the idea of the toilet and if anyone could pick up the habit over a weekend it would be him.

Though we haven’t put my plan into action yet, we have been practicing. By that, I mean that we have been coaching him by buying a portable potty seat. We listened to Daniel Tiger sing his potty song over and over. Best of all, we found a use for our leftover Halloween candy as potty treats. Trading chocolate for poop seems very fair. The potty pumpkin is a great motivator. What’s weird is that I’ve started craving a mid-loaf peanut butter cup.

Truthfully, there is no magic brown bullet. The right way to potty train is the way that works for your kid. Accidents happen, Boy Wonder will poop and pee in the toilet for the rest of his life. When you put it in perspective, the learning curve doesn’t seem so steep. The method you choose is less important than the consistency you have in using the method. Relax, keep at it, try to have fun with it, and remember that this too shall pass.

1 thought on “Trials of Toilet Training

  1. Do you have the book “everybody poops” I read that to the girls and coined the phrase (or pulled it from subliminal toilet trauma) anyway…I told them “even pretty girls poop” so when you see a pretty girl always look at them knowingly. Wink and give them uncle Jay’s phrase.

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