Bed Time

Although it happens around the same time every night, Boy Wonder acts like I’m sentencing him to hard time behind bars. So the defendant naturally tries to present his case the best that he can, even if that results in a bit of con-artistry. Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. For example, they may not know their abc’s or long division by the time they turn two but they sure have learned the art of negotiation.

The ordeal begins long before the lights turn out. As soon as he gets out of the bathtub, he knows it’s coming. So he runs to daddy as soon as the jammies are on and asks for “Daddy sit. Read Blue Truck.” So I sit on his bedroom floor and go through our usual lineup of books: The Little Blue Truck, Chugga Chugga Choo Choo, Pajama Time, The Little Monster Who Lost His Name, Dinosaur Dance, Car, Car, Truck, Jeep, and more. Recently, we’ve added the more sophisticated and grown up choices of Little Critter or The Hungry Caterpillar.

“‘Nuther book.” He demands.

“Okay, but this is the last one.” I say.

Five books later…

Picture it, he’s wrapped up in his big quilt that Grammie made, sitting in my lap while I rock him to sleep. He’s probably been crying his eyes out for five minutes (seems more like five hours), and suddenly those eye lids flutter. He catches himself relaxing, tenses right up, and screams, “Milk! Daddy! Milk!.”

“Okay, we can get some milk.” I agree. Now a less war weary parent may not realize this is part of the con, but me, I just know that this is all a necessary part of negotiating with terrorists.

So, we are back in the rocking chair, guzzling our milk, and then he wants a song. So I start in with the “Cup Song” from Pitch Perfect. But a swift hand shoved into my mouth tells me that’s not the song he wants. Thankfully, YouTube has a great selection of karaoke tracks so I never have to sing “The Weight” without my back-up group.

We’ve done this routine so much that we have a standard playlist. No I don’t dare deviate from it because, to my side kick, that usually means an invitation to sing a duet. He loves anything with a “Woah Woah” or a “Do-Whop”, still not sure how I went wrong there.

I have been thinking of putting out an album titled “After Midnight: The IncrediDad Sings, Just For You”. The album art would just be me in a rocking chair. Boy Wonder and I both in our super-suits. Here’s the playlist:

  • The Cup Song – Anna Kendrick
  • Desperado – The Eagles
  • Pirate Looks at Forty – Jimmy Buffett
  • The Weight – The Band (This is usually where he starts snoring)
  • You’ve Got A Friend In Me – Randy Newman
  • Hey-Ya – Outkast (Acoustic Version)

If this first album is a success, look for a holiday version next, featuring duets and trios with Boy Wonder and IncrediMom. But now it’s the late hour of eight-thirty,, he’s finally fallen asleep, and I am headed that way too.

What’s your bedtime routine? Do you have an album coming out too? Maybe your kid wants to be read to sleep. Is it possible that you have a mutant who puts themselves to bed? If that’s the case, we want to learn your secret parenting superpowers.. Put it all in the comments below.

Until next week IncrediFriends! Same Incredi-Time. Same Incredi-Site.

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