Toddler Tough

Sidekicks, like toddlers, are clearly a danger to themselves. Any superhero knows this. That’s why Superman works alone. It’s also why one of Batman’s main responsibilities is stopping Robin from accidentally killing himself or getting kidnapped by the Joker. IncrediDad has to look out for Boy Wonder in the same way. Why? Because toddler judgement is terrible that’s why.

You heard me right. With the advent of eating solids. saying a few words clearly (No and Da-da are the favorites right now; usually in the same sentence.), and walking, all the bat-signs are indicating that our little crime fighter has finally entered toddlerhood.

There’s this law of physics stated somewhere that as soon as you put a toddler down, they make a move for the nearest and most dangerous, out-of-bounds thing they can find. If I lay Boy Wonder down on the bed, he immediately rolls towards the edge in a perfect swan dive position. Set him on the floor, he finds the only outlet I haven’t plugged up with a safety cover. And the front door, forget about it. That kid knows where he parked his batmobile and races toward an open door like Commissioner Gordon just lit the signal.

I dare you to show me an animal with less of a self-preservation instinct than the toddler. But I also dare you to find me a tougher animal. Mentally and physically these guys show determination, endurance, and enthusiasm that sounds exhausting to me. Actually, hang on while I take a nap on the couch, would you?

Nevermind about the nap, somebody wanted a diaper change and I had to change my plans. Speaking of that, toddlers are some of the most flexible people I’ve ever met until they don’t get their way. What I mean is that I’ve seen Boy Wonder contort his way around barricades, baby gates, and swaddles in a way that would make Harry Houdini stop and take a few notes. I’m sure you knew I meant the other kind of flexible. You know what I mean, the kind of can-do attitude that insists he does not need an afternoon nap but changes his mind after an hours negotiation with Dad without any tears at all. We’re all tough when things are going our way. But some kids know how to switch gears and roll with the punches. Not my kid. But some kids do. 

When things in life don’t go according to plan, the tough toddler will exhibit a determination to reach his goal no matter the obstacles no matter how long he has to cry, and with no regard for his personal safety. To look at my son’s bruises and scrapes, you would swear he was the world’s youngest prizefighter. You’d only be partially right. Believe me, this kid knows how to brawl. Those are battle scars from the coffee table, the parking lot, the bathtub, and anywhere else he tried his new walking legs. But he keeps walking, stumbling, and bumping into things . . . the point is, he doesn’t give up.

He’s toddler tough.