Lettuce Turnip The Beet

I’ve always loved eating. Whenever someone tries to talk to me about physical fitness I am too happy to correct them. “Fitness? More like fitness whole pizza in my mouth!” But the rising numbers on my scale have really turned the punchline of the joke into an elastic waistline. As much as I love food, I know that some foods will never love me back and that’s got me feeling guilty. So I’m breaking up with junk food for a lot of reasons.

We had a good thirty years together but junk food has turned into an abusive boyfriend. No matter how many body shaming issues it gives me, I always wind up back in line at the drive-thrus. Also, too many people I know have had heart attacks recently. The ones that survived have said the doctor blamed their poor diets. It may be selfish but I secretly want Bex to tell me I look radishing when I take my shirt off at the beach. But most of all, we’ve been trying so hard to feed Boy Wonder a variety of vegetables and fruits that not eating them myself has made me feel like a hypocrite.

Like all kids do, as he gets older there will come a day when he becomes suspicious of vegetables. “Dad doesn’t have to spinach! Why do I? The old man’s holding out on me! That’s the last time I trust him.” Soon he’ll be paying for hostess cupcakes in a back alley. Then he’ll fall in with the wrong crowd. And that’s the end of my relationship with my son. I refuse to lose him that way. If that means I need to sacrifice my love affair with junk food, so be it.

Surprisingly, I’m not sad about it. I’ve had enough Doritos and cheesecakes that I’ll never forget how they taste. Trust me, I’ll always carry a torch for them but we just don’t want the same things out of life. I want to be a healthy role model for my son and they want me to be fat. We had a good run but it’s time for us to go our separate ways and find new flavors. Don’t tell Hostess but I’ve been seeing Avocado and Kale on the side. She’ll find out eventually but the only time it will be awkward is when I hurry past her aisle in the grocery store. 

I thought transitioning to a plant based diet would be hard but it turns out that I haven’t met a food I don’t like, exect tuna fish. That crap is nasty. I’ve nose dived into spinach, kale, beets, pears, apples, avocados, chickpeas, almonds, and more. I have more energy. Bex will probably tell you I’m in a better mood than normal. But the most entertaining part about this diet change is that I get to share whatever I’m having with Boy Wonder. Just this morning, I split a banana with him. The other day we shared avocado.

This little epiphany was in no way written to preach to you. If you want to shove Twinkies and Cheetos in your mouth, by all means I will personally drive you to 7-11 to get them. What I want to do, is share the entertaining and healthy things that Boy Wonder and I are learning about food together while also keeping myself accountable for this change. What better way to do that than by including YOU, the IncrediReader.

You heard me! Right here, right now, once a week, we’re going to post an Incredibly healthy recipe or a Super food to share what we’ve learned with you. Stay tuned IncrediFans because these segments are going to be Incredibly delicious.

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