Just after our wedding, minutes after Bex and I said I do, Uncle Mike came up to me shaking his head, looking so disappointed. “You had once chance to work ‘obey’ into the vows.” If only I had listened to him. Life would have been a lot easier if I had. Bex and I used to look lovingly into each other’s eyes and ask, “How could it be this easy?”. Then the honeymoon ended.
People always tell us that marriage is hard, parenting is hard, and they both take a lot of work. I mean, I agree with the hard work part. Bex has to do the dishes. Then she does our laundry. But not before she changes the baby’s diaper. And me, well, making that sandwich took a lot of effort too. I think I’ll just ask Bex to do it next time. My point is, that we shouldn’t take this journey so seriously that we forget to have fun together. That goes for all you IncrediCouples out there. Let yourselves have a little fun every day and thank me later. I like to think of it as the married peoples’ version of “Treat yo self”.
Between the laughs, we try to communicate as best we can. Communication is just another gizmo on The InrediDad’s trusty utility belt. Never leave the cave without it. We both firmly believe that communication is like car maintenance. If you do it regularly, you can catch problems before they become one. Regularly talk to each other about feelings, finances, and family.
When it comes to feelings; if my wife is unhappy, then I’m unhappy. And you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. That’s when things start to get a little heated and communication shuts down between us. Still, it’s important to be consistently honest and open about your feelings. The same thing goes for talking about our fears. When we are able to bring them out into the open and talk about them, it stops them from strangling us.
It’s also a whole lot easier to argue about money than it is to come up with a plan and stick to it, but it has to be done. For us, it’s taken a lot of discussions, many times painful, to get on the same page. There’s never an easy answer and because of that, we work at it every day.
Finally, most of our conversations naturally circle back to the kid. Sometimes it feels like we have nothing else in common but that’s not true. Boy Wonder is naturally at the front of our minds. We usually have to push, prod, and dig deeper to get in touch with our adult selves, the ones who existed before parenthood. Once we touch base and see how the other one is doing emotionally, physically, careerwise, etc., (that’s usually about a five minute conversation), it’s right back to binkies, bottles, and day care.
For Bex and I, marriage isn’t hard, it’s what we make of it. So far, we’ve made quite a few memories that will be with me for a lifetime. I know I can speak for her when I say that Bex couldn’t have asked for a better sidekick.